Agent Jakovich, A CSO Sniper Options

[connivingsumo]

Hello fellow Aberrant Community folks,

This is the "first draft" of the story from page 18 of Data Dump #5. This is the story that was submitted to Aberrant, but I think the story that actually made it into the Data Dump may have been edited slightly. I did not compare the two stories to pick out any major difference/detail - they seem pretty close to me at first glance/from memory.

I am just looking for constructive feedback +/- on any relevant content such as grammar, story line, characters, flow, etc. I'm curious to know what was liked-not liked & why, etc. I have a deep history writing (fantasy RPG) modules/campaigns (about 20+ years), but this is my first shot at fiction and my first attempt at anything Sci-Fi. The story ends implicating more to come, which is intentional. Let me know & thanks

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The two men held her one on each arm; Binko and “Fraud” had been working their revenge on her for hours. The third smirky man spat on her CSO badge and punched her again in the mouth. It was just as hard as the previous blows that he laid upon her with conviction, but she had lost count. More saliva filled blood poured out of her mouth as, again, her mouth was cut deeply by his fist colliding with her cheek. He drew his pistol.

Brigit Lovfald Jakovich was unsure if the smirking man was going to pistol whip her or shoot her, but this mystery soon came to an end when she heard the familiar “click-click” and then felt the cool barrel against her forehead. Filled with twisted lust, his eyes met hers. Confronted by her concentrated gaze, he acknowledged her look completely taken that it was not an expression of pleading or mercy. Her stare was intense, professional, cold, calculated, and bold. At that moment he realized that she was not afraid nor had she ever been afraid the entire time they beat her.

“NO!” A deep voice snapped the silence as a large man approached from behind. Smirky didn’t look to see the source, already familiar with the voice. He lowered his pistol, “What’s the matter boss? Wanna do her yourself?” “Yes my most trusted leader of insects. If there’s going to be any killing in this moment then I’ll be the one to do it.” Smirky chuckled, drooling with anticipation of a headless female toy, “Yea! Go for it boss!” Greggor’s voice vibrated with an unusual depth and sincere gratitude. The humungous “boss” replied, “Oh, why thank you bug excrement.” The shot was louder than anyone had anticipated and Fraud was instantly covered in cranial gore. Binko’s mouth agape, watching in horror as smirky’s headless body slumped to the ground. Fraud coughed blood that was not his own, trying his best to suppress the next cough and not move, not even a millimeter.

Binko, more stupid than bold, muttered “Boss?” as he looked blankly at the mountain with the smoking .45 semi-auto. The large man looked at Binko with compassion and smiled at him, “How ya doin Binko? You doin ok?” Binko’s bottom lip hung down accenting his still open mouth; Binko nodded. “Do you insects know what you’re holding?” With slightly more confidence Binko peeped out “no.” “Oh, well let me tell you…” Fraud accidentally found his voice and stupidly interrupted, “But Boss, she took out half our crew! Aren’t you gonna give her some punishment?”

Greggor is a patient man and that quality occasionally contradicts his tall, large, muscular bulk that puts most of those around him in shadow. His dark black hair naturally parts and lies to the side. He looked at Fraud through a lock of his hair and through his square, rough jaw he calmly replied, “Well, it looks like you have already punished her and I was about to tell you what you were holding in your hands… but I was interrupted.” The last word was said slowly and clearly.

The blood in Fraud’s face drained to his feet as he realized that he did indeed interrupt Greggor. Greggor holstered his gun, “What you’re holding is a Goddess. A true, 100% pure blood Goddess! She is beautiful… err… when she’s not slobbering like a two year old… he raised an eyebrow and looked at his minions, “you guys will have to trust me on that.” He cleared his throat and began again, “she’s beautiful, strong, intelligent, and has the power of life and death… which you two experienced recently, apparently?”

Binko nodded, “Ya we did. She pinned the group down for bout 3 days. We could’n move an inch without some shot ricocheting around or punch’n through one of us. Guys would try ta pee, get somepin ta drink in this frickin heat, or get somepin ta eat, and they’d pay for it with their life. It was like she never slept – it did’n matter day or night – if someone moved, they died.” “Ah yes, good observation Binko!” Greggor was pleased, “It appears she doesn’t need to sleep – another reason she’s a Goddess. Since Goddesses don’t need to sleep, but you knew that right Binko?” The rhetorical nature of the question was lost on Binko, “No. No I didn’t.” “Oh. Well they don’t.” Greggor questioned why he bothered to clarify.

Fraud felt he could speak again, “So what are we gonna do with her? Keep her?” “Oh no. No, we’re not going to keep her.” Greggor said without looking at Fraud. “No, we’re going to leave her here. That’s why I had you drive her out to the canyon lands, out here 100 miles into the middle of no where. A work of art like Jakovich comes along once in a millennia. I’m no barbarian. The civil do not destroy fine art. Having said that, I do think it would be incredibly dangerous to drop her off at the nearest choke & puke.

Greggor closed in on Jakovich and leaned forward. His nose slightly lower than hers, Jakovich’s lips could sense his, “I really do love you.” He whispered. She spat blood on his cheek, not with any force or drama, but to make a statement. Greggor stepped back and smiled. With a raised eyebrow he said, “I’ll save that for later.” and with a wink he turned on his heel and walked off to his armored transport. The insult, or lack of reaction, was the last blow that Jakovich could take and with the wink and his back, she fell to the ground. Her knees hit first, then she sat on her heels, and then her face hit the dirt with each arm flopping to their respective side. “You two bugs clean up your mess and meet us back at the dump.” He yelled as he entered the rear of the vehicle. The chauffer shut the door and drove the vehicle off in haste.

Binko started to clean up as Fraud stood there in the blistering heat eyeing her. Sweat tickled down his face, pouring around his eyes and features but he never flinched. Several minutes had gone by as Binko threw knapsacks into the back of the buggy. Upon realizing that he was laboring solo, Binko turned around to find Fraud still staring at the sniper, particularly her hind quarters stuck up in the air. “C’mon Fraud!” Binko demanded. Fraud started towards Binko but as he moved he could not take his eyes off of Jakovich. She was very beautiful. His neck started to stretch and twist rebelling against the rest of his body that moved forward. He located next to Binko and leaned against the buggy, “No. No I think I’m going to tap me some goddess.” Binko looked slapped, “Wha… WHAT?!” Fraud’s eyes narrowed, “Yea… I never had any Goddess before. She’s gonna die out here anyway!” the last look was for approval, but Binko didn’t give it to him. He pursed his lips and shook his head from side to side, “Boss’d kill ya… nah wait! He’d torture ya and then he’d kill ya!”

“She’s gonna die anyway I said! How’s he gonna know?” and with that Fraud bounced his butt off the buggy towards Jakovich. Binko, almost pleading, “You’re playing with Fire Fraud! You don’t know her! You’re…” Binko couldn’t finish his sentence because his breath was stolen by what he witnessed.

Fraud approached Jakovich eagerly and when he was about 2’ away she sprung into the air with her arms spread wide, her waist matching the height of Fraud’s face. Jakovich brought up handfuls of dirt that spread out in the breeze giving her a fan like width, like a cobra preparing to strike. Fraud, wide eyed, watched with his mouth wide open. The breeze was exactly what Jakovich had hoped for as the dust clinged to Fraud’s open and waiting eyes, and with that he was unable to see what was coming next.

In slow motion, Binko watched Jakovich launch in the air in a cloud of dust and observed her left boot swing out to greet Fraud’s jaw. The “chink-crunch” sound of teeth colliding together filled him with as much terror as seeing a chunk of Fraud’s tongue flying out of his mouth. Fraud never saw it coming, his head twisted over his left shoulder forcing his body to follow suit. Gravity took over and he fell, unconscious, face first in the dust.

The sniper’s right leg was the first to touch ground landing with strength and confidence. Her right knee bent and brushed the ground to absorb the shock of her landing as her left knee bent and arrived near her left cheek. She placed both palms on the ground at her sides to steady herself. She slowly looked up and zoomed in on her next victim. Without taking her eyes off of Binko, she crawled forward a few paces. With Fraud’s hair in one hand and her other hand over what was left of his jaw, she twisted Fraud’s head in one swift, sharp jerk. Binko, momentarily paralyzed by horror, anticipated the snapping sound of Fraud’s spine, but the anticipation was no where near the shock of reality.

Despite Binko’s articulate vocabulary and groomed speech, he wasn’t as stupid as he seemed. His arms flew out like a chicken and his knee lifted into the air as his body contracted to give him the greatest push of speed he could muster. This burst of strength and agility even impressed Jakovich as she watched his backside fly into the vehicle and zoom away. The last several hours had been grueling but she couldn’t help but smile when she thought of the expression on Binko’s face. Jakovich collected herself.

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“So why was the shipment late?” asked Runmay. “Some sniper had the convoy pinned down for 3 days on the DDH (dezoned desert highway).” A scrawny survivor answered as he piled crates. “C’mon! One freakin sniper?! Three Days?!” The scrawny man immediately stopped what he was doing, stood straight up, and glared at Runmay, but he said nothing and his face was blank. Runmay could only say, “Oh.” The road hand went back to moving the boxes but Runmay couldn’t leave it be, “So what kind of round was he using?” “Dunno, I don’t know what those PK Snipes are using now, but she was punchin’em through our cover and bouncing rounds into guys with precision.”

“She?” The thin worker stopped again, clearly annoyed at being questioned. He sarcastically spoke slowly to the questioner, “Ya… SHE…” Runmay felt awkward that every question was weighted with unbelief. He tried again, “How far out was she?” the box mover continued to work without looking at Runmay, “Well I said I didn’t know the ammo she’s usin so I couldn’t tell from the body spray, but the follow up team found her about 2 miles out they said.” Runmay had heard enough, “Ok twiggy, you’re a bad frickin liar.” and he walked off.

90 minutes later Binko arrived at the dump site fleeing his vehicle and stumbling up to Greggor. Greggor watched the event as if it was a grade B movie. Binko panting, his tongue literally hanging out the side of his mouth, “She… she… oh I gotta catch my breath!” “Didn’t I just see you pull up in a vehicle Binko?” Greggor said amused. “Seems like you ran the whole way by the way you’re panting.” Binko continued to gulp air, “She got Fraud, she got Fraud, she snapped his neck like one’o them fancy seegars you smoke.” Greggor looked Binko over carefully, “I’m impressed.” “Ya me too, she exploded on’eem, kicked’eem in tha mouth, he done bit his tongue off and broked up his teeth.” In a quick, jerky motion Binko punched out his right fist and pulled his left fist into his body hitting himself in the stomach to emphasize his next sentence, “an then she crawled on top of’eem and popped his neck! Everythin I could do ta get the hell outta’there!”

Greggor smiled to one side, “No insect, YOU impressed me.” Again, Binko looked slapped, “ME?!” “Ya, YOU! I left you two schlubs out there for her! And you escaped! Well done, BRAVO! Hey, why don’t you go shut off your rig and close your door, and I’ll pour you a drink Hmm? We’ll celebrate!” Greggor slapped Binko on the back causing him to stumble towards his car. Binko paused and then meandered to his vehicle confused.

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Jakovich gathered and scrounged what she could and headed toward a canyon.

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Please leave feedback

[TonyK]

Hi connivingsumo,

This was a very good story, very little editing was required. We always try to stay true to the originally submitted piece, but we do edit for grammar and context with respect to the Rezolution universe. Some more than others.

All in all, this was an very enjoyable story and I will be interested to hear what others thought about it also.

All the best.

Tony

[connivingsumo]

Thanks Tony!

I'll be sending you an email in the next week or two. Take care!